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Break From Van Life
After traveling in my van and sleeping exclusively in my van for over two months, I parked the van at my sister’s new house and spent a week in their guest room. It was nice to stretch out and spread out a bit. I enjoyed cooking in her new kitchen and spending time with my sisters family. We had a very relaxing time.
One of the highlights of my week in this area was the hike around Mount Rainier. My niece took me on a beautiful hike up at the base of Mount Rainier and we had a really great time. The above video shows some of the amazing scenery.
I also spent time with my two nephews and my youngest nephews two children. Such a beautiful, kind, and welcoming family.
After that I went to visit my aunt and uncle, just a couple hours from my sisters and then drove via Hwy 101 to Oregon. I stayed in my van one night and then went to my parents home near Portland for another week.
Although it is nice, and convenient to stay in a house, I am looking forward to getting back out on the road in my little sleeping pod on wheels.
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The Mount Baker Experience
As the weekend crowds poured into Birch Bay State Park, I drove up to the Mount Baker area to see if I could find a camp spot. I wasn’t worried because I could just pick up a permit at the Ranger’s station and park anywhere, but finding a camp spot where I can set up camp is much nicer. I drove into a campground a few miles out of the small mountain town of Glacier and found a great spot up on the higher level looking over the rest of the campground. I decided to stay a few days and set up my camp, including my Canopy, which is difficult for me to set up by myself.
That evening the camp host came along and told me that I had to be out of the spot tomorrow as it was reserved for the weekend. I was so bummed. I was all settled in for the weekend (It was a Thursday evening) and seriously bummed I had to not only move, but find out if I could even get another camp spot. The host said after she makes her rounds she would come back and tell me what would be opening up the next day. It took her quite a long time but she came back, as she said she would, and told me there were three sites that she knew of opening up and she gave me the numbers. She said that there was a nice one right on the river opening up but it was a first come, first serve site and she didn’t know when they were leaving.
The next morning, when I woke up, I made coffee and decided to take a walk to check out the three sites. The one on the river was already vacated at 8am, so I took my shawl out and threw it over the picnic table and put my coffee cup on it. I then ran back to my campsite and grabbed my camp chair and actual table cloth and took it to my new camp site.
Life upgraded me to a beautiful space right on the rushing river. It was inconvenient to have to move, yes, but well worth it.
My journey up to Mount Baker was beautiful. I hiked the Chain Lakes trail to the summit and hit the snow so decided to go back down the way I came rather than try to navigate all the snow banks ahead. The views from the summit were incredible and it was just as beautiful hiking back down the Mountain as going up. It was a tough, up hill hike, but well worth the journey.
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The Right Place at the Right Time
As I walked along the beach gazing out over the setting sun, I heard a voice asking me if I was going to hang out for the sunset. I was surprised to see a young man sitting up against a log, bike laying down on the sand behind the log. I was so much in my own little world, I didn’t notice him there. Surprisingly, I looked up, smiled and said hello. I went on to say that it was a beautiful night and I would be hanging out for the sunset, for sure.
As I walked away I began to wonder if this young man was trying to invite me to watch the sunset with him. It seemed odd, as I was much older than he was, so it couldn’t be a romantic connection.
I walked a bit further on down the beach and found my own log to sit on. I reflected on the part of me that doesn’t have much trust in the human race. I noticed my thoughts around having an innocent conversation with a young man and how I needed to read something into it. If he was too young to be romantically interested in me, then why would he want to talk with me? Crazy question. Some people are just friendly. I realized that I could just let it go and hold this man, and every other person who wanted to talk to me, responsible for asking for what they want, rather than dropping hints I may never get.
A short time later the young man surfaced in front of me and asked again “are you watching the sunset all by yourself?” I patted the log next to me and invited him to sit down. I realized my first impression that he wanted to talk to me was correct.
As he sat down, I asked him his name and he told me it was Kristopher. He was a very attractive young man who revealed that he had just turned thirty. I asked Kristopher the usual “getting to know you” questions, like “where are you from,” where do you live now, what brings you to this area?” As we became more comfortable with each other he proceeded to share his heart with me, his deepest pain. He told me that he was heartbroken. His girlfriend kicked him out after an on again, off again relationship of several years. He had bonded with her children and wanted to be a good Father figure to them, as they didn’t have a relationship with their Father.
As Kristopher talked about his situation, I began to feel like I was in a counseling session. The story was very familiar. This man was describing the same kind of relationship dynamic that presents with narcissistic abuse. She was very jealous, controlling and deceptive, and he couldn’t figure out what he did to cause her to behave the way she did. Kristopher was a sensitive, empathic young man and it seemed the woman he had walked away from was lacking in empathy and honesty. I told him that the woman sounded like she might be narcissistic and he said “that’s what my Mother told me!”
The more we talked, the more he seemed to be putting the pieces of the puzzle together in his head. He knew the relationship was toxic and that couldn’t be good for anyone, but he felt responsible for her children who can’t get away from the toxicity. These weren’t his children, but he obviously loved them as if they were. It was a very admirable quality.
We stopped to watch the burning orange sun casting a glow across the evening sky. It was the most beautiful sunset I had seen in a long time. Both of us pulled out our phones and started snapping photos. After the sun descended, Kristopher told me he was blown away. He couldn’t believe how “God” led him to me. This was just what he needed, he told me. He felt so much better. He had been feeling so lonely and disconnected.
Synchronicity is an interesting thing. I too was amazed at this demonstration. Here was a lonely man, struggling with heartbreak and confusion and he knew, on some unconscious level, that he needed to talk to me. I knew, on some level, that he wanted to talk to me. I was so grateful to have been used by spirit in such a magical way. I admired Kristopher’s courage to reach out. So many people in pain never do reach out, and they get lost in the abyss of their painful emotions without any support or understanding as to what is happening.
I knew loneliness. I knew pain. I knew what it was to be so confused about a relationship I couldn’t see straight. Had I not confronted all my painful emotions, I wouldn’t be who I am, and be able to offer support to others who were struggling with these issues. I felt grateful for this.
Kristopher and I talked until dark and it was time for us to go our own way. I explained to him that he was young, he had his whole life in front of him and he would gain strength and wisdom from this relationship that would eventually lead him to the right relationship where he could have a family of his own and a woman who truly deserved a man like him. I could see that deep down, he knew this was true.
We gave each other a big hug; one of those long, lingering hugs that felt like two longtime friends meeting again on the road of life. I was happy we both trusted in the divine guidance that was at work here.
As I walked back to camp in the dark, I reflected on the magic of life and was grateful that spirit reminded me that every step of my journey is divine perfection, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I am always right where I need to be.
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You Look the Same!
Today I ran into a man I worked with when I was only thirty years old. At the time we worked together he was twenty six and I thought I was old. The interesting thing about running into this old friend, is that we instantly recognized each other. Usually after 25 years have passed it might be difficult to recognize someone so immediately. I was getting out of my van going into a coffee house and he asked me if I was who he thought I was. When he said his name, I remembered exactly who he was. We made small talk for just a few moments and he said “you look the same.” I genuinely had to say “so do you.” I meant it. He had also taken very good care of himself over the years and had not appeared to have been a victim of wrong living. It felt good to have been so immediately recognized by someone I had just worked with for a couple years.
He had to run off to his daughters birthday party so we didn’t talk long. I imagined he would be about fifty years old, but he was fit. I imagined he married later in life, once he got established financially, which he was well on his way to doing at the age of 26.
Running into an old friend made me take a walk down memory lane and a part of me envied this man’s obvious stability and what I imagined to be a happy family life. I had already divorced when I went to work with him and was a young, single Mother. I was filled with hope and the promise that one day everything would fall into place. I would meet the right guy and build a stable life for myself. I never did meet the right guy, and I’ve lived more a life of a Gypsy than one where I stayed in the same place for decades at a time. And now, here I am, traveling months at a time in a mini-van, flying solo.
Ernest Holmes, the founder of “Religious Science,” not to be mistaken for Scientology, says that comparison is the cause of all unhappiness. We each have our path to walk and when we find ourselves comparing our path to someone else’s path we only cause ourselves pain. There are so many people who tell me they would love nothing more then to do what I am doing, to be so free, to work from anywhere. I am truly blessed this way. Even if sometimes, I feel it would be really nice to have someone to share the journey with.
I suppose I can’t expect that the dark side of “flying solo” won’t emerge from time to time. It gives me the opportunity to go deeper into the feelings that would somehow hold me back from truly embracing my freedom in a way I never have.
Sometimes stability is a trap. People find themselves in a good, stable, well paying job, a great house, a great mortgage to go along with it, an unsatisfying relationship and a feeling of being trapped in the life they have created. Some people are afraid to walk away from their comfortable, stable lives and embrace the call of their spirit. They fear life won’t support them. They fear losing their comfort and stability. They fear losing the prestige and ego trappings that make them feel accomplished and successful.
What I have learned is that true success is feeling I am free to live my life, true to myself, following the call of spirit, following my bliss and knowing that I would never settle for a life that didn’t suit me. Now I can say, that I am following my bliss and I am learning to really trust that my path will lead me to the greatest happiness I have ever experienced. Yes, perhaps I am a late bloomer, in some ways. But it is better to bloom late and live true to ones self, then to bloom early and lose your petals early.
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Leaving the Past in my Rear View Mirror
Ahhh, I’m in the mountains. In the beautiful North Cascades. I drove from Kettle Falls, through some very beautiful Country and decided to stop at a campground I like that is still very much on the Eastern, Washington side of the mountains. I took a hike about a mile straight up. There were some beautiful forests and views of snow capped peaks. It felt good to be here.
I felt a letting go; a releasing happening as if I was leaving the past in my rear-view mirror and driving into a new reality; one that embraced a higher level of love, acceptance for “what is” and a deeper forgiveness. I had been holding onto some anger, hurt and resentment. It wasn’t serving me to continue to carry it around with me. Traveling in a mini-van, I couldn’t carry around a lot of excess baggage, so I had to stop the van and let it out.
Heading through one of the most beautiful mountain passes I’ve been through, and taking my time on my way to the West Coast, I felt a happier, freer energy. Although I had no idea what awaited me or what would unfold, I was going someplace very dear to my heart. It would either embrace me or send me on down the road. Either way, its part of a higher plan, one that is not in my control; one I have had to surrender to.
Traveling over a mountain pass like this felt very symbolic to me. It was as if everything I was letting go of stayed on the East side of the mountains, and as I drove down the mountain to the West side, I was tasting a new kind of freedom!