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Everything Changes So Quickly
Just a few days ago I was facing houselessness. I was considering moving into my truck camper full-time, and then I woke up one bright sunny morning and everything had changed.
I had grown used to the feeling of dread I had waking up every morning and knowing I was at the end of my ten year journey with my house. I was grieving and letting go. I feared never having a home again; being a vagabond for the rest of my life. Although in part, it appealed to me to be so footloose and fancy free, the Taurus in me was really rebelling. There was a fight between the part of me that wanted to roam, and the part of me that needed roots. And it was that one bright, sunny morning in my home in Arizona that the two parts of me came to a compromise.
My truck camper had served me well for three years. I loved it! It had been my home, away from home. But it was time to let it go. Instead of letting my house go, I would let my house on wheels go and I would go back to Red Raven, my mini van, for my adventures, at least for now. I would have both roots and wings.There was an excitement about rebuilding Red Raven as my camper. She was so much sleeker, lighter and so much better on gas. She wasn’t the tiny home that my camper was. She didn’t have a kitchen and a bathroom, a queen bed, and a dinette. But she would have a bed and a makeshift kitchen.
Rather than driving off into the abyss, not knowing where I was going or where I would end up, which I have to admit, is a bit exciting, I would be renting out the upstairs of my home and moving into my downstairs space. This would allow me to still have a home base and be able to journey in the van.My Eat, Pray, Roam journey would continue as I capture the journey of eating a plant based diet, being on a spiritual path, and roaming to interesting places.
Having roots and wings really appeals to me. This is the best of both worlds I have the stability of my home and the freedom of roaming in Red Raven.
Let the journey begin!
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Facing Houselessness
I have been waking up early in the morning with a feeling of dread. It is that familiar feeling that I am not being supported by the Universe; that life is kicking me out. I get up! Make my tea and sit with the feeling until it gives way to other feelings. I log into my computer to write this blog post and see that a past client is reaching out for support. A small sign of abundance. I turn my phone on and my boyfriend is offering to buy my van, Red Raven, now, so that I will have the cash, and I will turn it over to him when I leave. More abundance.
Maybe the Universe is showing me that I am making the right decision. It is supporting me in my new direction. Maybe as I surrender and move in the direction that is unfolding before me, more opportunity and more abundance will come.
My saving grace is to trust in the very thing I feel has abandoned me and let me down. I have to trust that this higher power; this higher force has a plan for my life that I can’t yet understand. This is a redirection. I am being guided into a new life. I don’t know what that life looks like. Sometimes I fear the worst.
My reflections go to the homeless man sitting on the street corner with his sign “anything will help,” and I see him through new eyes. What was his story? How did he get there? Any one passing by might assume it was drugs, or alcohol or some catalyst of his own doing. But what if it was just a series of events so far beyond his control, that he could not break the fall?
In Sedona, it is typical to hear the saying “why did you create this?” With the law of attraction, there is an assumption that everything we experience in our life is a product of our own creation, either consciously or subconsciously. Either we are creating through intention or through default. But this has always been confusing for me. For months on end I would wake up every morning thanking God for my great abundance, even as my life was falling apart. I would still affirm that I was wealthy and had everything I needed. This didn’t prevent my life from falling apart. Some might say I didn’t feel it enough. I didn’t believe it strong enough. But the truth is, I did believe that things were going to turn around for me. I put so much effort into trying to keep my life afloat, believing that my efforts were going to pay off.
This is where the feeling of betrayal comes from. I did everything right! Sure I felt fear and uncertainty. But I also had a lot of hope and faith that things were going to change. So is it possible that life takes everything from us, when it is trying to redirect us? Does the Universe/God, rip our life apart when we are far too comfortable, so we will be forced into the life that is more fully aligned with our purpose?
A friend of mine reminded me “Kaleah, maybe one day you will look back on this time and realize you were taken to a much greater place.” The new can always be much greater than the old. But it can also be worse. Only time will tell.
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Today it Became Real
As my world was crumbling down around me and I knew I had to make a change, I began to grieve the losses. I couldn’t hold on any longer to what was falling apart. I had to face the reality unfolding in front of me and let go of trying to breathe life into something that was dying.
The old life was beginning to fall away and I had to let it go. I had to begin putting my eyes on the future possibilities; what wanted to come into being.
You see, I believe life has a plan for us, but we don’t always know the plan. We fear letting go of the old because it is what was safe and familiar. We built our comfort zone around the old. Letting go of “what was” means stepping out into the abyss, not knowing what is next. Although I was beginning to see a rough outline, I still didn’t know how it was all going to unfold.
Today, was the day it became real that I was going to be leaving my home of ten years. I called the key people involved in the sale of the house, and talked to the two women who made me caretaker of the Grandmother drum sitting in my music studio. We would be having our last drum circle on the Spring Equinox. What a way to say goodbye!
The spring is always a powerful energy for me. There is a lot of momentum. Ideas and inspiration begin to sprout forth and what no longer serves, the me that is moving forward, is left behind. It is bittersweet.
Co-mingling with the excitement of the journey ahead, there was a fear that I would never be able to afford a home again, because prices were rising so fast, beyond so many people’s control. So many people are choosing van life, or RV life because they don’t want to pay the money required to live in a home. There is a new culture of houseless people. We invest in wheel estate. We live tiny. Minimalistic. It is a life some people say they would never trade for a sticks and bricks house again.
I look at my beloved cat Nala curled up napping on my bed and a great sadness comes over me. She is really my neighbors cat, but he leaves for work during the week and doesn’t come home until the weekends. He asked me to look after her and I did gladly. She adopted me and hardly ever went to my neighbors home when he was there anymore. I didn’t know what would become of her. I couldn’t take her with me. She would be miserable. Here, she had two homes that were her domain and she loves being outdoors. I texted my neighbor today as well, and told him the news. My heart aches for Nala.
There is a lot to grieve. And so I imagine, like times before, the grief would dance in the same place as the joy and excitement of a new adventure. Sometimes I would relish in the passion of a new creation and other times I would cry deep, soulful, tears for what I was leaving behind.
I have crossed the threshold, the point of no return. The choice has been made and spoken aloud. My world will never be the same.
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Nomadic Life is Calling
In the past I have had many different adventures. I was flying solo in my Red Mini Van, and traded the van in for a truck and camper where I had three more summers flying solo.It was amazing to have both roots and wings. I had my home in Arizona which gave me roots, and anchor to keep me from flying too fast or too far. I always had some place to come back home to. But then there was a change in circumstances. The business that had supported me for twenty years dried up. I was being kicked out of the life I had created.
Although it initially felt the Universe was no longer supporting me and God had betrayed me, I needed to go deeper and see this sudden shift in energy as a redirection. It was time for me to let go of my home, my roots, my anchor. It was time for me to embrace nomadic living full-time. To fully immerse myself in this lifestyle and share it with others. Perhaps I could be a source of inspiration for those who choose not to live the ordinary life in the ordinary way.
To mark this new journey, I have decided to change the name of my Website to the same name as my new Youtube Channel; Eat, Pray, Roam. I have chosen this name because so many people can relate to a woman’s quest to find herself, out there, in the world; to nuture herself through good food and embrace the spiritual path via nomadic living.
My new venture will feature not only nomadic life, but my plant based diet, health, wellness and spirituality. We will eat, we will pray, and we will roam together.
We will also delve into the current, chaotic state of the world and the rising cost of living, looking at alternative ways of being in the world. We have seen such an influx of van lifers, rv’ers and people living in tiny homes, homesteading, and stepping away from traditional living.
Perhaps it is a sign of the times. So many people are realizing that life is not about working for someone who sucks every ounce of life from their soul. Life is to be lived. It is our birthright. And if we are to be authentic and follow our inner guidance, we can’t put ourselves into situations that don’t support who we are becoming. We need to make choices that feed our soul.
And this is why I am making the choice to leave the life and the home I have loved. I can no longer support this life. It no longer supports me. It has served me well. I am grateful! And now I must follow inspiration to the next phase of my journey through life.
